Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Randomize
