12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Randomize
