The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
