Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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