Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
