I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
