I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
i think my cat just said my name.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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