i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
