so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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