At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
