i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
