WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
