Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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