just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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