Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
