Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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