Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
