gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
