She's JV to your varsity
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
