did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
