I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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