so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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