So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize
