i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
