Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
