Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
