I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You need a sexual gate keeper
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
