She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
