make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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