don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
