they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
