Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Too much gin, very little bucket
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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