When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
