What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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