the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
