I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
