I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I want a musical about memes.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
