Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
