the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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