I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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