garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
