Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
