Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
