Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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