Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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