So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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