i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
