It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
