You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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