with your own penis?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
