I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
